fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
