Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize