I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
