Heybabeimwearingurpanties
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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