Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
