In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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