I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
