Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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