when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
