just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
