i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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