every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just pee around me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
