I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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