Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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