my soul wont recognize me after tonight
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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