He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Come on in and take your pants off
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