Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
