holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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