I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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