best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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