Dual....:-)
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
