He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
