Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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