well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Randomize
