I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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