I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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