he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
