Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
