If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
