He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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