hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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