Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish you could order shots online.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
