My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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