booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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