Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize