im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
