I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
