The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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