yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
