My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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