thus making me awesome and them whores
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
