the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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