Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
