His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
