so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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