Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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