your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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