I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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