I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
