Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
