you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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