So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
