I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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