This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
