I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
