I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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