Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
