Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
