Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ketchup is God's man juice
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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