I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
