remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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