also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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