I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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