Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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