did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize