Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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