If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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