Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
