the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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