I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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