I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
