Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
