If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
