yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
