trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
