Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
