found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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