we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
