If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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