i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
