Who wears a wallet chain?!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
