walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
