she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
