I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
