so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
