I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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