I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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