Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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