i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
