Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have tasted many bathrooms
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
