it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
