Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
