i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
