I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize