Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
FUCK WHALES
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