He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
