So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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