I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
