remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
