he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
