Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
