Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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