I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
