Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
