i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
