oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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