Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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