I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
