He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
