I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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